Raising a toddler is a bit like wrangling in and training a wild animal. If I leave a piece of food out, the little monkey will get it and eat it. Leave anything resembling temptation unattended, and the puppy will surely destroy it.
I took a short break, or what I thought was a short break, and realized it had been quiet for a while. Silence with a toddler is almost always a sign of trouble. H has been making a habit of pouring the contents of his drinking cup all over the place. I once walked over to a sopping wet H splashing around in his milk. This time, he had created an even greater mess all over the living room floor. Milk strewn across a few feet of floor. Thank g we don’t have carpet!
More than a little annoyed, I decided to give him the ultimate time out. Strapped to his high chair and behind closed doors so that he could think about his actions and I could clean up his mess without interruption. Little did I know that he had been fiddling with the door sometime earlier that week and I inadvertently locked him inside the room.
I went to go let him out of time out a few minutes later and couldn’t get the door open! After a few attempts at forcing the door open, I was in a full panic. I looked through every drawer, overturned every piece of everything in the apartment and could not find a key. Flashback to when we first moved in and I asked multiple times for keys to the rooms knowing that my curious little boy would probably lock himself in one day. By now H is crying (or screaming rather), I’m trying to see if I can coach him to unbuckle himself and unlock the door. After calling Alex at work and stressing him out, I asked Evelyn to call a locksmith. Thankfully she happened to have the number of a local locksmith — providence!
While I was pacing and waiting for them to arrive, I realized H wasn’t crying. I assumed he had fallen asleep, but of course I couldn’t be sure. I yarped until help arrived. About twenty minutes and 100元 later, H was free. The locksmith said very matter-of-factly “he fell asleep” in Chinese. H seemed completely unaware of the situation and was just happy to see Evelyn and me. A few days later H asked me “Mommy, sleep chair room?” I guess he remembered his strange “nap”.
Aftermath of traumatic timeout. Blissfully unaware, but fidgety. Hence the blurry photo.
Just this week H knocked over the humidifier and spilled water all over the floor. I heard it fall, but assumed it was another plastic thing he liked playing with. I heard him saying something about water and rushed over. To his credit, he was trying to wipe it up. But his sad little efforts were doing nothing to cover up his epic mess. Much to my horror, I picked up the humidifier only to have water gush out. There was a huge hole in the basin. H got a lengthy time out in his crib and a good talking to. I think he genuinely felt guilty because I could hear him lecturing himself: “Water, mess! Clean up.” My new theme for living with a boy — another one bites the dust.
Being a parent is incredibly sanctifying. These encounters have uncovered so many sins and the process has been very revealing of my character. I realized that I tend to rely on my own strength far too much, and that I’m incapable of fulfilling this role on my own. I simply can’t; at least not in a way that honors him. In my desire to control, I’ve lost sight of what it means to surrender. Relinquishing control to him is not losing, but rather, submitting in humility and handing over everything as a sign of faith. I have anger issues. Yes, me! I’m trying desperately to work on this. I grew up around a lot of anger and I don’t want to pass that on to H. More importantly, g deserves better. Anger does not often come from a w-shipful heart. Repentance has become part of our daily routine together.
When I became a follower, I remember wishing that I had grown up with people who could yarp for me. I kept dwelling on how different life would have been had there been a sprtl presence in my life. I’m so thankful that he has made it possible for us to yarp for Haddon, and even more thankful that I am not ultimately responsible for his well being. His life and fate are in the hands of one who is more than capable, who will love him unconditionally and perfectly, and who can protect and keep his soul forever.