Self-Monitoring
In the literal sense, self-monitoring is required for anyone coming from outside of the country. We were fortunate enough to fall into this category seeing as how the island decided to close its borders just two days after our return. The alternative? Self-quarantine for 14 days, which entails being locked in. You are not able to leave your residence (not even to take out trash or buy groceries) and are required to check-in with authorities twice per day with your “stats”; temperature, condition, etc.
We’ve had to upend our plans on several occasions and plans for the future remain in flux. Restrictions are mainly temporary and manageable. During this time of physical self-monitoring, I was able to self-monitor in other areas as well.
I’ve recognized a lot of failures in my current stage of life. I’m not very disciplined, as it turns out, which means my priorities suffer. I ought to wake early every morning and renew my spirit by reading the Bible and praying, but when push comes to shove, I sleep a little more. My self-study time should be motivated by a desire to communicate the goodness of the Gospel in someone’s heart language, but it’s not on most days. Every evening should be a time filled with love and care for my family, but what goes on in our home is far from that.
Mentally, all of the changes and what can only be called “craziness” have not been shocking. In this line of work, we are accustomed to saying “it comes with the territory”. We all say it, have heard it said, and genuinely understand and believe it. But that doesn’t mean that it is easy to live with. Our normal isn’t what most people would call normal. We know that we could be asked to pick up and leave at any time. We could be asked not to return to our homes, leave everything behind, flee elsewhere; just change. We know all this and are ok with it. We knew going in this is the life we chose. I’m generally not phased by all the changes, but after waking up with a sore jaw several days in a row, I started to wonder if maybe I wasn’t as okay as I thought I was.
Even if we had not been directly affected by changes, I didn’t realize I was absorbing the worries, pain, and suffering of others. This is part of being a member of the body of Christ, but it’s even more apparent in the field. When you’re removed from your “home” community and placed into a much smaller, more specialized one, you long for connection. Anyone who has been in the field will probably tell you the same thing. You truly live as family. We share everything, the good and the bad, and sometimes even the mundane.
We’ve heard it said that the only constant is change. It’s definitely true, but I know and continue to learn that the only true constant is God. This truth has been so comforting to me. It doesn’t matter what is happening in my life or in the world around me; I know that when I come to His Word, I’ll be reading the same words that I read yesterday, the same words that were there from the beginning. When I need to take a break or get away from it all, I know exactly where to go. He is my Rock of Ages, my steady ground, my hiding place.
I love this hymn because it reminds me of the truth. I hope it encourages your heart in these uncertain times.
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy wounded side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save from wrath and make me pure.
Not the labor of my hands
Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save, and Thou alone.
Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress;
Helpless, look to Thee for grace;
Foul, I to the fountain fly;
Wash me, Savior, or I die.
While I draw this fleeting breath,
When my eyes shall close in death,
When I rise to worlds unknown,
And behold Thee on Thy throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee.