Does anyone else use the Fighter Verses app? I’ve had this app for a while and decided recently to download it again. It’s very helpful in keeping Scripture at the forefront of my mind and has a lot of neat features to help you commit verses to memory. And wouldn’t you know, I really needed it this week!
At the beginning of each week, a reminder pops up with the new verse for that week. The app also has a new feature that allows you to save artwork associated with that verse as your lock screen. It used to be that you could save a text version of the verse as your lock screen/wallpaper, but it wasn’t the most attractive thing to look at everyday; definitely a case of function over form. I love that they partnered with theversesproject.com!
This week’s verse was one I already knew well:
Philippians 4:6–7
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (ESV)
I don’t know if anyone has had this experience, but instead of feeling relieved and encouraged, my immediate thought was “uh oh … how is this verse going to challenge me this week?” If you follow our blog, I had just written a post and mentioned how the lack of anxiety made this third birth seem less crazy. I am actively eating my words.
Just yesterday, after having a routine check-up, my doctor gave me the usual info. By now there aren’t too many surprises. “I would say you could go into labor sometime this week!” she said reassuringly. I was feeling a little uneasy because she mentioned she would be going on vacation this week, which meant she would not be present for the delivery. It’s not customary here to be able to choose which doctor you want for delivery unless you pay an extra fee. Typically people do not pay the fee unless they have a special circumstance that requires a specific doctor’s attention. I certainly wasn’t expecting her to be there, but I was hopeful that I wouldn’t end up with a random doctor I had never met.
Everything was business as usual at home, but I had received a message out-of-the-blue from the hospital letting me know that I should book my room, etc. This was different than the last time I gave birth, so I asked them to call me. The nurse said, “Oh! You have insurance, ok. What we have on file says your policy expired, so we wanted to see if you had purchased a package.” I assumed this was just a misunderstanding; I probably forgot to bring in my new insurance card since all of the information was the same. I immediately went online to print the new card, but couldn’t find it. Figuring I was just looking in the wrong place, I clicked around and didn’t see a new policy, only the old one. I frantically called Alex hoping he would reassure me that it was just a technical error. It was not. We had, in fact, somehow neglected to renew the policy.
There was immediate panic on both ends. I was only mildly upset that we would not be reimbursed for all of the appointments I attended over the course of the past several months, especially since I was tempted to cancel several of them. By the time you have your third child, you feel comfortable skipping an appointment here and there. What was more pressing was the upcoming delivery. As a woman about to give birth, there is nothing more unsettling than having your entire birth plan thrown out the window at the eleventh hour. I was trying not to freak out (which is my go-to response in situations like these), but I couldn’t seem to shake the feelings of fear and doubt. Of course my mind immediately went to giving birth in a crowded, public hospital with people shouting things at me I don’t understand. Or of being cramped in a shared room with women screaming in pain and being told that they don’t give epidurals. Your basic anxiety spiral.
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By this point I’m skyping the insurance company, while emailing at the same time. I was given the runaround and bounced from one department to another, being told there was nothing they could do, and then told to email the underwriting department, who then sent me back to the main number. I’m treating it as a lost cause, but that hasn’t curbed by sense of deep disappointment. I know we are just another ID# to these people, but their complete disregard for us affects our livelihood in a big way. It made me reflect on the necessity of compassion, and how love is at the center of everything God does, which is sometimes so different from how people treat one another.
As I was repeating Philippians 4:6-7 to myself over and over and over, I sensed the need to give consideration to being thankful … in everything … with thanksgiving … Here are a few things I am thankful for:
Support of friends
A friend Alex made through another friend (who also happens to be a doctor) and his wife had recently given birth at a private hospital and were more than happy to share their experience with us. He offered to go with me this morning to serve as a translator and guide, for which I am so thankful! As cruel as the world can be at times, I am reminded of the deep and abiding love of Christ through His saints. One of our dear sisters also obliged to go with me when it is time to deliver. Hopefully I won’t need to bother her, but I’m thankful for her willingness.
It hasn’t escaped my attention that God orchestrated these friendships for a purpose. Maybe not this purpose specifically, but had Alex not known this friend, this option would not have been made available to us. It wouldn’t have been on our radar. And had we no friends, we would need to rely on our own language skills to successfully bring a new child into this world. The odds do not work well in our favor.
God’s constant provision
Without insurance, we have to pay out-of-pocket for the delivery. Even though it’s less expensive than giving birth in the states, it’s still a huge lump sum expense. Most hospitals here have people purchase a package. This is beneficial in that you know exactly what you are getting and what you are paying for. On the other hand, you have to pay for it up front. This was making the kiosk coffee I purchased last week seem like a really bad and foolish choice. That was hospital money I was chugging down my greedy gullet! Paying up front would be fine if you had been planning to do this all along, but having this sprung on you as your only option, a week before your due date, is a lot to take in. Aside from finances, I am more concerned about the process. I have already given birth at the international hospital where I’ve had all my appointments and am familiar with the staff and process there. Most, if not all, the staff members speak English, so communicating has never been an issue. I’m having a difficult time imagining being under duress and having to recall what little medical lingo I have under my belt. I literally just learned the term for blood pressure in my last lesson, and cannot for the life of me remember what it is!
Alex was, bless his heart, doing everything he could to remedy the situation. Calling hospitals, getting quotes, making plans. I was stuck trying to let it all sink in. I kept telling him that I just needed some time to process everything and mentally stabilize. A part of me is still in disbelief. Another part of me, the part empowered by the Holy Spirit, has peace knowing God will provide. He always has and always will.
Perspective
There are times when life here really takes it toll on your sanity. When things go wrong, they really go wrong. Nothing seems to be as efficient as it could be, and it can be frustrating to deal with so many obstacles that might not exist if you were a local.
At the end of the day, I’m able to look heavenward and gain perspective. Adjusting to a new life is not easy and can be so uncomfortable at times. What comforts me is knowing that there is a divine orchestrator who is not amiss to our hardships. I remember Jesus’ words to His disciples: you are of more value than sparrows. It’s impossible not to feel deeply cared for when God reminds us that even the hairs of your head are all numbered. At my worst, I am still a sinner forgiven. I am no longer condemned and nothing can separate me from His love.
I’ve learn to adopt an “it could always be worse” mentality. What I have, even on the hardest day, is better than what I deserve. How can I not be thankful for that?
Thank you to all who have prayed for and encouraged us, not just in this, but in life. When we thrive, it’s largely because prayers are being answered. When we struggle, it’s your prayers that help us to endure.