Some time ago I shared about the struggles of parenting a toddler. While those struggles are still very real, I’ve been reflecting recently on the many blessings afforded to me through motherhood.
“Smotherhood” is not a typo. This is a word that I’m using to describe my current state as a mom. There are times when I feel smothered by the pressures and weight of being a parent. Being a parent, and attempting to be a good one, is an important and meaningful responsibility; one not to be taken lightly. It’s rare that I will ever pressure anyone to have children. Even before having children of my own, I had some understanding that being entrusted with another human life was possibly one of the most difficult and important jobs available to mankind. This has only been affirmed for me in the past two and half years.
Another aspect of “smotherhood” is my battle with understanding what is truly best for my children. Do I smother them with love and protection? Do I allow them to make mistakes and learn on their own? Do I send them to school or school at home? Do I bring the rod or a gentle touch? Is this an appropriate measure of grace? Too much or too little? As overwhelming as it is to figure all of this out, I’m sure it is equally overwhelming for my two-year-old as he adjusts to my ever-changing ways. The curse of the firstborn is that they are the the guinea pigs for all future children.
When I can take a step back from all of this, I’m able to see the beauty of being a mom. I keep telling myself to make a list of all the wonderful aspects of motherhood so that I can be continually reminded of His provision in blessing us with children. I’ve shared part of this list here and would love to hear some of your favorites as well!
Top 5 favorite things about being a mom
- My child(ren): I love them dearly. I make it a point to tell Haddon that he’s my precious boy and that I love him so much. I’m not sure that he fully understands, especially when he’s being scolded. But every once in a while he will say “I love you sooo much” or “I miss you, Mommy”. (I’m not sure he really understands the concept of missing someone either. I’m confused by this since I’m with him day and night. He literally has no time to miss me). I’ve been trying to ensure that H understands he will have a new brother and that he should love and care for him. H is generally affectionate and excited about his new sibling, but he’s already told me that he doesn’t want to share his cars. You win some, you lose some.
- Grace (given and received): I’ve received an immeasurable amount of grace as a parent and have learned to give grace as well, although not in equal measure. I wonder sometimes how I made it this far despite all my flaws and shortcomings. My only answer is grace. God has given me grace upon grace to raise H, imperfect as my childrearing may be. And I am confident that He will continue to show me grace as I adjust to mothering two boys.
We make it a point to document the sunshine days. H likes to wear sunglasses when the sun is out. Otherwise he’ll spend most of the time complaining that “It’s too bright, Mommy! It’s too bright! I can’t even open my eyes.”
- Memories and laughter: I don’t remember laughing nearly as much before having kids. H is so silly and keeps me laughing, often at his own expense. I’m sure some of you are annoyed by my flurry of H posts on social media, but I usually post so that I can remember the small things. My memory has taken a serious hit over the years, so it’s hard for me to call to mind the small, day-to-day things that make motherhood so special. One of my absolute favorite experiences is listening to H laugh hysterically. When he and Alex are playing ball or rough housing, he breaks out into loud spurts of laughter that never fail to make me smile. H is also extremely ticklish. When I need an instant pick-me-up, I’ll tickle him and watch him squirm and giggle to my heart’s delight.
- Unconditional love: No child is perfect (and no parent is either, for that matter), but I can say confidently that no matter what my children do, I’ll always love them. And I know this is true only because God loved me first. There are many times when I ask God why He loves me or how He can love a sinner like me. I genuinely cannot comprehend His love for me. I would cease to believe it if it were not solidified in His word. On the contrary, I rarely ask or feel the need to ask why or how my parents love me. But even their love is not based on my merit; they love me because I am their child. Can it really be that simple? I guess so!
- Min. opportunities: Sometimes I fall into the trap of feeling like I can’t really be involved in min. work as a mom. I feel limited by schedule, time, and energy. My day’s activities are usually constricted by nap time/bedtime and H’s day-to-day routine. I imagine feeling even more limited by having a newborn in the house. Even though I am limited in my ability to participate in certain min. activities outside of our home, I don’t want to neglect or forget the importance of my min. to my children and family. This is the season for nurturing and investing in my children; a very valuable source of min. work. And I can do it in my pajamas! I’m prone to forget that they are my little disciples and that I will be pouring into their souls for the rest of their earthly lives. All the more reason to take my role seriously and to ensure that I am being faithful.
We’re thankful for…
- Clean air the past week and this week (thank you G20 Summit!)
- His sustaining power in pregnancy
- Friends and neighbors who are always willing to help
Some things we miss…
- Calmness of the suburbs
- Being able to visit different scenery and climates with ease
- Bagels (I’m sure this one came up already and will probably pop up several more times. I have a serious attachment issue with bagels.)