As we’re in the middle of transitioning into life as a family of five, there have been lingering thoughts and feelings that have come to my realization.
1. As parents, we will be outnumbered.
If you do the math, we will now have three kids vs. two parents. That’s 1.5 kids per parent. Between the two of us, we will have exactly one arm and one leg more than the number of kids under our care. It’s a bit daunting to think that, at any point during the day, there is potential to lose, neglect, or forget about one of my children. Although we pray this doesn’t happen, I’m not amiss to the reality. We are praying our children adjust well to the change with gladness, and that each child contributes, in his/her own way, to improving our family dynamic.
2. Each child will be in a different life stage.
H started taekwondo classes this summer. I’m not sure what bunny ears have to do with it, but oh well. H also has an obsession with his “pets”. He spends copious amounts of time arranging them and doesn’t like them disturbed while they are sleeping.
H is in his preschooler stage, but it has been less than conventional. He attended one year of preschool (with scattered periods of absence due to travel). We plan to homeschool this upcoming year because of our unique situation. We will spend a few months in one country, then a few months in another, and then the remainder of the year will be in the aforementioned country, but in a different city. Thankfully H has been more than flexible when it comes to our particular life arrangement. He really loves meeting people and making friends, so it’s made all of our adjustments a little easier. He has also shown a lot more independence, for better or for worse. I’m trying to hang onto my little boy, fearing that I will lose his childlikeness sooner than I would like. Lately, he loves to tell me how tall he is and how he wants to eat a lot so he can grow bigger and bigger (and this boy eats A LOT). He’s also quite tall for his age, not to mention verbally expressive. I’ve resulted to buying him a size or two larger of everything to keep up with his rapid growth. And we’ve had to work on appropriate ways to express ourselves that do not involve “potty talk”, yelling, or tattling. I like to joke with him that he needs to stop growing and stay my baby forever, to which he retorts, “It’s ok, Mommy. R can be your baby. I want to grow bigger so I can be in the olympics!”
R doesn’t mind playing around in his birthday suit. And obviously gravitates toward food, real or not.
R is entering into his “terrible twos”. Honestly, it seems to be a lot less terrible than the first time around. He’s not as prone to tantrums, unless I’ve refused him food. 75% of all tantrums and/or meltdowns are food related. Despite being born in the 0th percentile for height and weight, he has an insatiable appetite and an unending source of energy. He is generally happy-go-lucky, eats well, and sleeps well. Even though most of his speech is babble and shouting with vocal inflections and rapid pointing, I can usually understand what he is trying to tell me. To help combat my severe mommy brain, I’ve taken to writing down each new word or phrase R says. I was a little worried at the twelve-month mark that he wasn’t speaking as clearly as I thought he should be. But soon enough, he was up to ten words, then twenty. Ironically, he could spout out phrases more clearly before individual words. I distinctly remember “I want that” or “Want that” as being among the first, of course in reference to something he wanted to eat. He’s now past the seventy word mark! R is definitely cute to a fault. On a typical day, he is all smiles, laughter, and exaggerated expression. He is super affectionate and lets me snuggle him as long as I want, unless big brother sounds like he is doing something more fun. R is the adorable, and I’m sure annoying, little shadow to his older brother. He wants to do everything H does, and even tries to follow him into the bathroom when it’s time to poop. I’m really thankful to have him as our second child. He’s the icing to my parenting cake.
Taking on human form. All body parts intact!
C (Hopefully this doesn’t change! We are still not 100% sure about the gender, so we’re leaving a margin for error.) is growing steadily, and everything about her growth seems to be normal. She is very active, so much so, that my bladder feels like it’s being used as a punching bag. I’ve never had the urge to pee so frequently in my life! She also has very polar tastes in food. I could be craving salad and fruit one minute and, in the next breath, be craving steak or a burger. Chocolate has also been a favorite this time around, although I don’t know if I can fully attribute that to the baby. H is really excited to be having a sister. R is oblivious, but knows that “baby” is that huge bump where Mommy’s normal-sized belly used to be. For a while he would confuse the words baby and belly, but I think we’ve managed to sort it out. Even though I’ve always wanted a daughter and am so thankful to be having one, I feel more apathetic than I expected. This has nothing to do with the gender, but more with the prospect of adding to our family. I’m happy, but at this stage in the game, I’m starting to take the “there is nothing new under the sun” approach. Maybe it’s the absence of anxiousness? I remember feeling overly anxious when I was pregnant with R. This time around (Maybe it’s maturity? That would be nice…), there is a sense of calm knowing that nothing happens outside of His control and care. I’m very eager to meet our little girl, and hope and pray she will grow in grace and beauty. I’m also praying that she will be the chill one!
3. Seasoned or not, I can’t do this job alone.
Going from working mom to stay-at-home mom was a weird but welcome change. When I was working full time outside of the home, I would miss H a lot and felt like I was missing out on all of the bonding and milestones. I missed out on a lot of mommy-and-me playdates, a lot of firsts, and the small precious moments I had hoped to capture in the early days of motherhood.
Don’t get me wrong, working had its benefits too. Even though it was out of necessity, I was thankful that God provided our family with a stable income and a good place for me to work. I was in like company being surrounded with a lot of working moms, some with children as young as mine. In some ways, being a working mom helped challenge me to stay grounded. Being a parent is essentially a 24/7 job. Having two full-time jobs is not easy and can be extremely time consuming, not to mention exhausting. It was essential for me to stay organized, to form routines and stick with them, and to pray for grace in maintaining my spiritual disciplines. I probably failed more than I succeeded, but in retrospect, I have no regrets.
In those early years, I had a lot of help! Husband took care of H while studying and going to class and doing ministry (how?!). Our parents also helped by sharing in childcare duties, which was a huge relief to my new-parent heart. There was also a community of moms at church and elsewhere who were, and still are, so supportive and helpful. Moms were always willing to answer questions, no matter how tedious, and to offer prayer and encouragement. I’m blessed to still have mom communities to help me and to contribute to.
More importantly, God is my true Shepherd and guide. I find myself quoting or paraphrasing Scripture more than ever to our children. I’m frequently reminded that teaching my children the Truth is so valuable. My opinions as a parent really mean nothing if they are not grounded in truth. There are many mornings when I roll (literally roll) out of bed and say a quick prayer for grace and mercy to survive the day. Other mornings I quickly read through the day’s Scripture reading and hope that I can find time to meditate on it. On the rare occasion that I get to focus, read, AND meditate in one sitting, I’m reminded how precious God’s Word is and how refreshing and life-giving it is to my soul. I need God. Can’t live without Him. Wouldn’t choose to either.
4. Traveling with children doesn’t have to be a complete nightmare.
We’ve become experienced travelers in the past few years. Ironically, we travel more now than we did before having children. Some of the perks of traveling with kids:
- Forces you to be more organized! If I don’t plan things to the smallest detail, there is potential for utter and complete chaos to ensue. That’s not to say that planning will prevent all calamity, but it definitely helps reduce the crazy.
- Bypassing lines (especially if your kids are freaking out). This is probably my favorite benefit. If you ever have the option to request family services through an airline, do it! I remember having the smoothest exit/entry when I was traveling with the boys on my own. I’ve never gone through immigration so smoothly. It was AMAZING.
- Gives you special “bonding” time. Nothing bonds you to your kids like being forcibly stuck together with them in a crowded plane, train, or automobile for several hours. On our next flight, we’ll get to travel with three kids, each in a different life stage. Pray for us.
- Provides an opportunity to teach your kids about how to love people in a variety of circumstances. Traveling can be really stressful and crazy, and you can be confronted with people at their best or worst depending on the situation. It’s given us opportunities to teach our kids how to love people and be considerate even when we are not shown the same in return. It’s also a challenge for us, as parents, not to lose our cool when things are not going well.
- Get to share in new experiences together. It’s one thing to tell our kids, “this happened to me once.” And quite another to say, “remember when…?” I like to take photos and videos of seemingly random things and situations so that we can talk about them again in the future. I have a photo slideshow that plays as the screensaver on my MacBook, and the kids love to sit, look at it, and reminisce about our past trips.
5. We’re about to welcome a little girl into our family. This is HUGE!
I have vague memories of what it was like to be a little girl, but I do remember being a tomboy. My mom desperately wanted me to conform to her image of what little girls ought to be. She, much to her chagrin, dressed me up in the cutest outfits, complete with tights and shoes with little bows on them, only to discover new holes and tears and scuff marks because I wasn’t about to skip handball on account of a skirt. I remember wanting to take karate classes as a child and my mom refusing to let me because it wasn’t safe or appropriate for girls. I know she had the right intentions, as most moms do. And it’s not that I didn’t love dance classes or like traditionally “girly” activities, but I also liked the rough-and-tumble play that the boys seemed to enjoy. I grew out of it eventually, but I think there’s a part of me that’s still a tomboy.
In my heart I’ve vowed to let my daughter find and explore her own interests. I may choose her wardrobe for the earliest years of her life, but I know that I want her to be whoever God has intended her to be. The past four years has been wrestling, cars, bodily noises, and potty talk. I’m looking forward to a change – ANY change. Truthfully, I think I just want variety. I’m not quite sure what to expect. Will she be more sensitive? Will she be tougher and more challenging? Will she be resilient or need more hand-holding? Will she be shy? My boys are exactly what I imagined boys would be. Rambunctious, energetic, naughty, and dangerously curious. They are extremely social, which is something I did not expect. I’m hoping baby girl will be outgoing too, but even if she’s not, I hope her big brothers will do a good job of helping her out when she needs extra courage. Pray for us as we transition to this new phase of life! Please pray that we will accept each new challenge with faith and gratefulness, and that we will be able to show grace and love to our children in all circumstances.
We’re thankful for…
- A relatively full summer with meaningful activities
- God’s grace, especially in our limited capacity (For A, time and energy. For J, physical strength.)
- Our 阿姨 (ayi) who has been a tremendous help and blessing to us
Some things we miss…
- Summers in SoCal
- Inexpensive BBQ food, and the ability to grill at home
- Bagels (Always bagels.)